Late Night Rambles 

What the fuck am I so afraid of? Every person has a story, a history, a future and the power to act. Every day brings with it millions of opportunities for life to go one way or the other. It’s all about choices we make and the convuluted act of just going for it. 

We (maybe I should say I, but a collective make it easier to swallow) want to do something. Then, we spend so many days, months and years talking about it instead of acting. What is with human nature that makes us this way? We all know that life is finite, yet we procrastinate carelessly until it’s too late. Only then do some of us wake up and wish we could’ve done it all differently. 
Not me. Not anymore. 

I am going for it. I only have small inklings of what it is, but I will know when I’ve done it. I can feel that is the truth. I’m trusting intuition, finally. 

I am going to explore and do things I’ve never done and see what I come back with, or without. Mind games and tricks can put illusionary limits on capabilities. I am learning to quiet those unneeded thoughts. There’s a whole lot of brain power that I won’t allow to be left unused and potential lingering that needs to be ignited. 
T-3 days until takeoff. 

One Way Ticket

I’ve got a one-way ticket, my passport, and an open mind with the willingness to tear down the boundaries of my comfort zone. It’s like spring cleaning for my life, yet again.

There’s something about summer coming that makes me want to escape and start fresh. It’s like being in school for so many years gave my mind, body, and soul the muscle memory to get away for a few months, take a break, and then jump back into routine. But, what if there was never meant to be a routine? Society has this way of making you think you have to do what everyone else is doing and puts this notion of success at the end of a supposed, and possibly illusionary path.

And then, writing it down makes everything so real. Like the truth of your inner self is staring you back and asking you what you’re going to do next. I don’t know.

I sat in the sauna today and watched my sweat roll off of my chin and hit my hands, cascading into a puddle on the floor. I was there, but I wasn’t there. I was just watching things happen to my body and the people around me, but letting everything go in and out, like watching a screenplay unfold and accepting whatever was to come. A man slipped down from leaning against the wall and fell to the floor. Slightly embarrassed, he quickly stood back up like nothing happened. On my part, there was zero judgment. Just an understanding that the floor is wet, and yeah, shit happens, but you get back up and readjust yourself the next time you lean back on the wall. Learn from your experience.

Like the drops of water and the man, I think that’s the way life is meant to be lived. Letting things roll and fall however they may, and being accepting of the outcome, while also knowing when to wipe it all off and try again, taking with you what you know and being open to knowing that there is still a lot you don’t.

Before You Go

And when you reach the top of the mountain

What do you think you might find? 

You pushed and pushed and pushed 

The uphill battle weathered the soles of your feet 

Cut the insides of your veins

And stripped tears from your eyes 

But you did not stop 

There were visions and dreams and infinite thoughts lingering in the distance 

Capturing them was key 

Nothing else mattered but fancy accomplishments 

and sultry accolades 

And now you ask, was it all worth it? 

Had you ever have stopped in your path to question its purpose? 

Did you ever look inside and listen to your own mind’s eye without the disillusioned sounds crowding your voice? 

But yet, you made it 

And in the end, you realized there is no end 

So you will go and take each step back down

continuing along the cascading mountain range 

But before you go 

Stop and breathe

Take in the sights 

Admire the beauty 

of falling to rise 

And go on slowly 

with every next step

As to be sure you want 

to take it 

before you make a move 

A Poem of Paradoxes

I’m thirsty for answers

in a desert of truth

if nature nurtures,

why do we hurt her

the air that we breathe

gets foggy at times

we press fast forward

as we try to rewind

dust up the storms

kick the dirt off the ground

we are just searching and seeking

longing to be found

say goodbye to what we know

see a clock without time

i am not asking for yours

cause I’m producing what’s mine

limitless in scope

effortless in method

let it come naturally

it just sways like a melody

a symphony released

a release of what’s been captive

sounds like peace

cause silence speaks loudly

i haven’t forgotten to mention

there exists no answers to my unanswerable questions

Letting In.

Image

 

My paragraphs are poems;
My words go unheard 
It's ok because I find
such delight
in what I write for myself for my cathartic escapades The open cascades Falling, protruding Words piercing like needles Sharp or blunt Blatantly being to be muttered Merely, mutely- not loudly, not scary No need to share All one in the same Staying in a single lane ride sharing is running parallel on this ride, I can share Open your ears Feel my fears Touch my thoughts Caress my carelessness Bundle up my joys Just hold me- Boldly. Intuitively colluding Grasping ahold of these verbs Proverbially procuring my words Mix and match, stretch and detach Unlatch- Let me go. Freely flowing
and never really knowing The next line My next complete rhyme Couples of my couplets To undress all of the heavy mess Messing in my mind, residing
ring a round a rosy Take me back to pink cheeks
and being coy,
Rosy flush ensuing Perusing... my skin I'm open.
I'm here. I'm letting you in.

Freestyle

yesterdays only a day away/ so tomorrow rolls in so two faced /with promises that we knew were fake/ but we pray on/ keep believing/ when dreams stop/ and we stay awake to nonbelievers/ radical achievers/skeptical to alleviate her/ pain so deep cant perceive/ the cause of the hate/ adjacent to the places she’s been/ bent on being so keen of the faces she’s seen/ etched on her brain like a cd disk/turning on tables revolving like a deep dish/ so afraid to speak so she remains quiet/ not to be quick/ to be judged to speak to be heard/ cause no one will see it straight/ like it is/ truth be told nobody needs him/ making promises/ breaking solemness/ just to be a conduit through enclaves/ no ones following

now the reason makes no sense/ to the outsiders looking in/ from the outside/ in a place so cold separated like apartheid/ so dim/ just want to grow old/ wanting to feel the changes of color/ a chameleon/ so entrapped in the phase of being/ coming so quickly

but going off / into the never ending/ always fleeing/ one day dreaming/ to be in the crowd/ but always standing on the sideline/ baseline/ running suicides/ until her ego suffers a homicide/ from the emotions hanging upon her shoulders/ very heavy told to go inside/ but the inside is where it makes no sense/ unraveling like a dental floss dipped in mint/ asking for answers/ receiving no glamor/ begging for hopelessness/ in a cold place/ with no insolation from the hate/ suffering oppression like the Haitians/filling up the gait/ so quick/ quickly swinging on the gates/ moving to the other side/ where the grass looks greener/ into scenery where no has seen her/ into a new place to call her own/because nobody ever claimed her/ in a land full of lackluster fame/ and teenagers following the steps of Cobain

if we can unleash the knot/ pull it back off/ slip into a sea/ and sail faster than forty knots/ into a tide of paradise/where the sun will always shine/ and freedom comes easy like fireworks/ on july fourth/ ringing in the city/ creating hope/ forgoing pity/ burying the past/ and looking forward into the blazing pastures ahead/ the day we all refer to as tomorrow/ as its unknown what’s in it for us two/ in this thing we call the future/ where we can heal all the scabs/ and secure all the sutures/ welcoming a little newness