Late Night Rambles 

What the fuck am I so afraid of? Every person has a story, a history, a future and the power to act. Every day brings with it millions of opportunities for life to go one way or the other. It’s all about choices we make and the convuluted act of just going for it. 

We (maybe I should say I, but a collective make it easier to swallow) want to do something. Then, we spend so many days, months and years talking about it instead of acting. What is with human nature that makes us this way? We all know that life is finite, yet we procrastinate carelessly until it’s too late. Only then do some of us wake up and wish we could’ve done it all differently. 
Not me. Not anymore. 

I am going for it. I only have small inklings of what it is, but I will know when I’ve done it. I can feel that is the truth. I’m trusting intuition, finally. 

I am going to explore and do things I’ve never done and see what I come back with, or without. Mind games and tricks can put illusionary limits on capabilities. I am learning to quiet those unneeded thoughts. There’s a whole lot of brain power that I won’t allow to be left unused and potential lingering that needs to be ignited. 
T-3 days until takeoff. 

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anonymous

you blur my reality

with you, dreams become non-fiction

colors appear more vivid

you’re the reason that most of my wrongs

can seem so right

it’s simple, the world is different with you

everything is brighter

pages turn, like dusk to daybreak

with ease and force

nothing goes amiss

it’s this endless, yet knowingly fleeting bliss

The Mood

Your name rolls off my lips like honeydew
So crisp and so sweet
There’s this never-ending abyss
in my mind
You occupy
From morning through night
The paradox of the latter
It’s understandable, I promise
I’m questioning if you feel these same tingles
The same kind of lingering entrapment of thoughts and fantasy
They vividly vacation in my mind
Traveling through my blood like a surfer cascading on ocean waves
The crest mounts high
The air is smooth
Like the taste of your tongue
So light so seemingly unrelenting
You can whisper in my ears
Your sounds project in my brain
and echo through my body
Catapulting into what’s beyond
Excursions to take place
Mentally and physically
Hold my hand if you’d please
Winding around bends
Don’t let go just yet
This river has many unknown friends
The water of the future
Infinitely pouring at the open bar
Drunk in lust
Skipping and falling onto the tips of a love
Only fools take such risk
We know it’s the only way to find return
Into something where we will most likely feel hurt
It’s okay we should rest assured
Surely it’s something we cannot preclude
It’s so natural, there’s no facades
There’s just the time, this place, this mood.

A Poem of Paradoxes

I’m thirsty for answers

in a desert of truth

if nature nurtures,

why do we hurt her

the air that we breathe

gets foggy at times

we press fast forward

as we try to rewind

dust up the storms

kick the dirt off the ground

we are just searching and seeking

longing to be found

say goodbye to what we know

see a clock without time

i am not asking for yours

cause I’m producing what’s mine

limitless in scope

effortless in method

let it come naturally

it just sways like a melody

a symphony released

a release of what’s been captive

sounds like peace

cause silence speaks loudly

i haven’t forgotten to mention

there exists no answers to my unanswerable questions

Damian and Sarah, Part II.

Over a year ago, I couldn’t sleep, so I wrote https://dnla77.wordpress.com/2013/11/15/drafting/

I’ve been feeling like I’ve needed to write recently, so I decided to let Part II spill out here. Enjoy- 

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After a somewhat successful day on the rooftop filled with writing, daydreaming, and thinking, Sarah ran back home to get a dinner for one started. As she chopped the ingredients for her salad and started to boil her pasta, her phone vibrated. Three words stared back at her on her 4.7inch display, causing her heart to beat like she was coming first in a footrace. It was only 8 PM, which meant the night was young, but she hadn’t been expecting company. Especially, company like this.

“Buzz me in.”

It was Damian. She had not anticipated seeing him so soon after he left that morning saying the usual, “I’ll see you when I see you.” For them, that typically meant that he would call her at 2AM once every couple of weeks or stumble on her doorstep after a drunken night at the nearby bar. Immediately, Sarah dropped the knife in her hand and ran to the mirror, tussling up her undone hair. Instead of buzzing him in right away, she waited a few minutes, pretending that she wasn’t always by her phone hoping he’d give in a little.

As she dialed his number, she wasn’t even sure what she would say when he picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hey babe, wanna let me up?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Something has to be wrong for me to want to see you?”

“N-no, not like that. It’s just unexpected, that’s all.”

Bzz.

Sarah’s back was turned to the door as she finished up her salad and grabbed an extra table setting. He slowly, but confidently stepped behind her and put his arms around her curvy waist, gently kissing her cheek to say hello. Her cheeks turned red, like the baby tomatoes she had just cut as she folded into his arms, smiling.

“You hungry?”

“Like a hippo.”

That was a reference to a joke that their law professor once told in their first seminar together while explaining corporate law.

Sarah smiled and grabbed a bottle of Pinot from her cabinet. Damian took the bottle from her hands and opened it, pouring two full glasses and laying them down on the table. All the while, he never really took his eyes off of her as she served a heap of spaghetti Bolognese into his dish. His mouth was salivating, for more than just food.

Cling.

They made brief eye contact and then swigged the wine before digging into the quickly, yet beautifully prepared meal. That’s how Sarah operated, whether it be in preparation or utilization, she spent little time, all the while paying careful attention to the aesthetics and feel of whatever she touched.

The wine hit the back of her mouth much like how wind breaks into a room during the early morning- refreshing, but at the same time, startling. She was trying not to break out into a sweat, but she had hundreds of questions racing through her mind. For half of the day, she spent time trying to convince herself to stop letting Damian do this to her. She was strong and independent, yet for some reason, he had a hold of her Achilles and wasn’t going to let go anytime soon.

Damian could sense her uneasiness as he glanced up with a mouthful of savory spaghetti and smirked. She let out a quick laugh and started a normal discussion to stray from her anxiety.

“Did you close the Strathmore case?”

“It’s nearly there. Probably one more witness before they crack and beg for the settlement offer again.”

“Oh, good. It’s been dragging out for a while now. How about things with your mom, did everything get sorted out with the house?”

“Yup, all is good there too. But, enough about me. Tell me about your day. Did you start your next bestseller? Reach out to Oprah to add it to her book club already?”

He chuckled, sincerely.

“Very funny. It was a productive day, but for some reason, I just don’t know where to go with this one. The last one came so naturally and easily, I feel like I’m spending days forcing words onto the page, so it’s not feeling as real. You know?”

He nodded.

“Give it time, Sarah. Give it time.”

She listened; she understood what he was saying with that advice. Patience wasn’t her strongest suit, but she also was her own worst critic. Pushing herself was what she did best, since she was a child. She gave herself high expectations, and more often than not, she surpassed them all.

“Pasta good? I wasn’t expecting anyone, so I made it spicy, how I like it. Do you need water?”

“It’s perfect, hun. Really, thank you.”

She just looked at him. He knew what she was wondering, so he decided to put her mind to rest.

“I didn’t mean to come unannounced. I’m not even sure what brought me here tonight, but it was like a subconscious compulsion. I left the office and my feet sort of guided me here, to you. You’ve been on my mind a lot lately, and after last night, well… yeah.”

Sarah was red again. Not like the baby tomato red, more like the deep red of the Pinot Noir in her hand. She took another gulp, licked her lips, and forced a smile.

She continued eating slowly. She was not really sure what to think or how to feel. One on hand, she couldn’t be more excited seeing Damian across the table indulging in her meal and talking like he was. But, on the other hand, she wanted to throw her plate at his face while screaming to get out and never come back. He had this hold on her that caused a beautiful pain, like when a knot is released from your back during a massage. You know that there’s something outside of your body needed to expound the toxins, to take the group of twisted muscles, break them apart, and let in the oxygen- allowing you to breathe again. But, the built up tension becomes a normal feeling, until it’s released, and you can realize that what had been there the whole time was actually not meant to stay.

That One Word.

My favorite words are those that sound like what they mean. Maybe it’s just me, but PASSION has always been my favorite one. I’m strange…. I can’t pinpoint my favorite movie or song, but I know my favorite shape (circle) and word (now you know).

It’s just so strong. It’s so simple, but it means so much; and to everyone, it’s something a little different. It’s the thing we are willing to spend time on, yet it doesn’t feel like the clock is winding down. Rather, we are gaining as we lose time. It’s the air in our lungs, the blood in our veins, and the thoughts that we actually want to stick around in our minds. People say they are on “the pursuit of happiness” and they are “pursuing their passion,” but it’s always with you. Use it, never lose it. 

 

and, on a completely separate, yet very serious note- RIP MAYA ANGELOU. Thank you for being such an incredible inspiration to those who were blessed enough to have met you and those who could only know you through your work. Your legacy will interminably shine for generations to come & the world is in desperate need of more humans like you. Caged birds fly freely because of you.

Form v. Function

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Many times upon pouring a bowl of cereal (never in the morning, because i don’t eat cereal for breakfast, ever), I think to myself,  “Why does cereal taste so much better at night if it’s breakfast?” The question offers an answer that speaks to more than just the food industry,  but rather provokes insight on life, in general. More often than not, things are better used in modalities other than their intended function.

The latter idea brings me back to a class I took years ago entitled “Philosophy of Film.” I was an ambitious high schooler taking classes at the local community college in attempt to get a leg up on my competition for college (as if i was the only student doing so). Anyways, back to the regularly scheduled program. In that class, I learned a lot. I started looking at films in an entirely new way. There was one lesson that I will never forget. It was when we were taught the terms”manifest” and “latent,” or the intended and unintended uses of a product. Here’s my favorite example because it has with it its own personal memories intertwined- cars: you buy a car for its manifest reason namely to get you from point A to point B. But, think of everything else you can do in a car, its latent functions. I could sit and spell them out, but how about you let your imagination and/or personal experiences fill that space?

If you think about it, more often than not, it is the latent uses of a commodity that provides connection with something tangible. It’s as if that is where the “soul” of the object resides.  In a world where hyper consumerism runs rampant, the desire to obtain the latest product is merely fleeting. We want something, and we want the immediate satisfaction of getting it right then and there. Digital media and the Internet are the main culprits, both providing us with false hope that everything in life can be so fluid and instantaneous. Media feeds us how and why we need the latest and greatest gadget, and most of us eat it all up, whether it be passively or actively. It’s so easy to succumb to the pressure surrounding our culture to act and be a certain way, to desire a certain lifestyle, to stick to the beaten path.

But, what if we took a step back and looked at all the enjoyment that can come from our imagination? What if we reflected upon what we really want, outside of gimmicks,  and what will come of it upon working for and achieving that true desire.? Not everything needs to be used in the function that determines its form.

So, eat your cereal at night. See how it tastes better. And, if you sense something different, do it again and again. Take that creativity and apply it to all areas of your life. Believe it or not, but the latent isn’t always so hard to find.