Late Night Rambles 

What the fuck am I so afraid of? Every person has a story, a history, a future and the power to act. Every day brings with it millions of opportunities for life to go one way or the other. It’s all about choices we make and the convuluted act of just going for it. 

We (maybe I should say I, but a collective make it easier to swallow) want to do something. Then, we spend so many days, months and years talking about it instead of acting. What is with human nature that makes us this way? We all know that life is finite, yet we procrastinate carelessly until it’s too late. Only then do some of us wake up and wish we could’ve done it all differently. 
Not me. Not anymore. 

I am going for it. I only have small inklings of what it is, but I will know when I’ve done it. I can feel that is the truth. I’m trusting intuition, finally. 

I am going to explore and do things I’ve never done and see what I come back with, or without. Mind games and tricks can put illusionary limits on capabilities. I am learning to quiet those unneeded thoughts. There’s a whole lot of brain power that I won’t allow to be left unused and potential lingering that needs to be ignited. 
T-3 days until takeoff. 

Before You Go

And when you reach the top of the mountain

What do you think you might find? 

You pushed and pushed and pushed 

The uphill battle weathered the soles of your feet 

Cut the insides of your veins

And stripped tears from your eyes 

But you did not stop 

There were visions and dreams and infinite thoughts lingering in the distance 

Capturing them was key 

Nothing else mattered but fancy accomplishments 

and sultry accolades 

And now you ask, was it all worth it? 

Had you ever have stopped in your path to question its purpose? 

Did you ever look inside and listen to your own mind’s eye without the disillusioned sounds crowding your voice? 

But yet, you made it 

And in the end, you realized there is no end 

So you will go and take each step back down

continuing along the cascading mountain range 

But before you go 

Stop and breathe

Take in the sights 

Admire the beauty 

of falling to rise 

And go on slowly 

with every next step

As to be sure you want 

to take it 

before you make a move 

Things to Realize, Sooner than Later

  1.  It doesn’t matter your title or the company you work for, what matters is the work you do, day in and day out. Love it. If you don’t, leave it and find what you want to do. Then, do it. (*obviously, you have to have finances in order for this to work)
  2. There’s no such thing as “free time.” All time is the same. We get 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, and so on. Only you can choose what you do with it.
  3. Possessions don’t make you happy. Relationships and experience are what really matter in life. You can buy things and realize that after a few hours or days, the momentary excitement is gone. You can go on a trip and realize that years later, the memory will still make you smile.
  4. Living too much in the future makes today more stressful than it has to be. Find a balance between short/long-term goals and your current situation. Do what you can today to reach those goals, but don’t live in the stress of what’s unknown.
  5. Back to number 4, you can’t really plan things out. Life is variable moment by moment. Be open to it.
  6. You need to love and accept yourself in order to love another fully, unapologetically, and healthily. If you don’t, all the flaws and holes you have will be projected onto them. You can’t expect someone to fill you up and do that work for you.
  7. Expectations breed a lot of disappointment and unnecessary arguments. Have standards, yes. But, expectations, no. No one deserves anything, except to be treated respectfully.
  8. Communicate. Over-communicate if you have to. People don’t read minds, and you shouldn’t expect them to. If there’s something you want, speak up. If there’s something that bothers you, talk it out before it turns into anger.
  9. Holding on to anger only hurts yourself. The other person is going to live their life whether you’re filled with fire or not. Go on and do the same. Let go.
  10. Competition is important, but you should be most competitive with yourself. Be better than you were yesterday. Build other people up while you make yourself better. Don’t tear someone else down to protect your ego- that’s just going to hurt yourself and keep you from leveling up.

Designing Your Life

Imagine that you’re given an empty room of any size in any kind of house. Your first thoughts will likely be- how to fill it with the things you need and how to decorate it so that it is aesthetically pleasing to both yourself and visitors.

Much like being given an empty room to fill, we are born into the world with untouched souls. They are pure and open for new experiences, teachings, downfalls, growth and meaning. In looking at life as a finite room, it gives the perspective that it is both open to interpretation and design, but also confined by the structures we’re born into, in this metaphor, the walls. Walls like race, arguably sex, and family are walls that as foundations stand without our creative touch and input. As much as we can design our lives the way we want to, we are categorized inside constructs and groups, the way that furniture must be measured to fit within a space. This is not to be seen as negative or limiting, but rather as a filter for how we come to see the world and decorate our lives.

Fortunately, we are the architects of our soul – we decide how we fill our time, who we interact with, and what kind of furniture we will allow to permanently remain within our space. This free will ushers in seemingly interminable choices and sometimes tough decisions that will shape who we become, to both ourselves and to the world.

The beauty in the design of life is that it’s malleable. While one choice leads down a path to a new intersection, your mind is always changing as experiences and moments move, shaping who you are. Therefore, when you arrive at the next crossroads, you have more experience to make the next decision- a ripple effect not a domino effect because ripples expand, while dominos fall.

Just like furnishing a room, tastes will change over time. While you decide to keep some key pieces (values), you will likely enhance or recreate the details surrounding those values with new choices (lifestyle).

Each phase of living in your room offers new function and informs new meaning. Nothing is permanent, and that is the essence of finding beauty in your design for it is all fleeting.

 

 

Optimistic Approach

Fight fires with flames

of intention

each breath of air

offers new life

light shines through spaces

deeper than once imaginable

look forward with hope

behind with gratitude

within for courage

and never give up

Gaining Insight

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” – Kierkegaard

Everything we do leads to what comes next in our life, and at the time, it may seem like nothing is making sense. Sometimes, it even feels like things are completely falling apart. The thing is that sometimes things fall apart so they can come together correctly. And, when that moment strikes when you can sense the harmony, you can look back and understand how you’re where you’re meant to be. Each little kink in the chain provides equivalent value and support to hold it all together, no matter where it is positioned.

If you’re unhappy with any aspect of your life, the good news is that you have the power to change it. If it truly is out of your control, you can always control your attitude and how you approach the situation. On one hand everything can be made into a grueling challenge and, on the other, the same hardship can be a lesson to grow from- an opportunity to create a solution.

I’ve been through ups and downs in my “career” path, which is natural as I am just over the two year mark of having graduated from college. I’ve had jobs that people would probably kill for, working with companies that have comfortably resided on the Fortune 50 list for decades. But, I never felt settled. The jobs didn’t align well with what I valued or where I saw myself going in my life. I took chances, and I left them. Not because I’m an impatient millennial who ONLY wants happiness and comfort (although I wouldn’t complain), but because I know when something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. For each experience, I am so grateful to those whom I met along the way. I can see how I’ve genuinely learned something from each person and position.

Finally (the impatience of two years is shining through), I find myself in a position where I truly see potential for growth, expansion, and success. New things always provide jolts of energy, but this feels both exciting because of its newness and, more importantly, because I want to grow along this trajectory.

Although taking the jump and leaving comfortable, well-paying jobs in prominent companies with great co-workers was scary at the time, I know that I made the right decisions for myself. Ignoring outside rational voices, and even your own brain is really hard for the most part, but in the end, you ultimately know what you want. If you don’t go for it, no one will hand it to you. For if I had not followed my soul, I wouldn’t be where I am now, or where I may be a year from now, and five years from now, etc. Ultimately, one day as I’m looking back on my life (which I do every so often),  I know I will see the picture in clear view and it will all make sense. Even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else, you know you can’t go wrong when you’re listening to yourself.

Snapchat Stories

Won’t find your “story” on Snapchat

Robotic, trying to show off fleeting moments

with disappearing digitalized depictions

“sharing” your every move, to show what you do in your waking life

small-casting to whoever taps down with their thumb

a finger dancer looking to live vicariously, or simple curiosity

killed the soul

how about we…

take time to TALK to the people

we CARE about

and share what we DO

and WHY we do it

so they KNOW

our story.