Late Night Rambles

What the fuck am I so afraid of? Every person has a story, a history, a future and the power to act. Every day brings with it millions of opportunities for life to go one way or the other. It’s all about choices we make and the convuluted act of just going for it. 

We (maybe I should say I, but a collective make it easier to swallow) want to do something. Then, we spend so many days, months and years talking about it instead of acting. What is with human nature that makes us this way? We all know that life is finite, yet we procrastinate carelessly until it’s too late. Only then do some of us wake up and wish we could’ve done it all differently. 
Not me. Not anymore. 

I am going for it. I only have small inklings of what it is, but I will know when I’ve done it. I can feel that is the truth. I’m trusting intuition, finally. 

I am going to explore and do things I’ve never done and see what I come back with, or without. Mind games and tricks can put illusionary limits on capabilities. I am learning to quiet those unneeded thoughts. There’s a whole lot of brain power that I won’t allow to be left unused and potential lingering that needs to be ignited. 
T-3 days until takeoff. 

One Way Ticket

I’ve got a one-way ticket, my passport, and an open mind with the willingness to tear down the boundaries of my comfort zone. It’s like spring cleaning for my life, yet again.

There’s something about summer coming that makes me want to escape and start fresh. It’s like being in school for so many years gave my mind, body, and soul the muscle memory to get away for a few months, take a break, and then jump back into routine. But, what if there was never meant to be a routine? Society has this way of making you think you have to do what everyone else is doing and puts this notion of success at the end of a supposed, and possibly illusionary path.

And then, writing it down makes everything so real. Like the truth of your inner self is staring you back and asking you what you’re going to do next. I don’t know.

I sat in the sauna today and watched my sweat roll off of my chin and hit my hands, cascading into a puddle on the floor. I was there, but I wasn’t there. I was just watching things happen to my body and the people around me, but letting everything go in and out, like watching a screenplay unfold and accepting whatever was to come. A man slipped down from leaning against the wall and fell to the floor. Slightly embarrassed, he quickly stood back up like nothing happened. On my part, there was zero judgment. Just an understanding that the floor is wet, and yeah, shit happens, but you get back up and readjust yourself the next time you lean back on the wall. Learn from your experience.

Like the drops of water and the man, I think that’s the way life is meant to be lived. Letting things roll and fall however they may, and being accepting of the outcome, while also knowing when to wipe it all off and try again, taking with you what you know and being open to knowing that there is still a lot you don’t.

Things to Realize, Sooner than Later

1.  It doesn’t matter your title or the company you work for, what matters is the work you do, day in and day out. Love it. If you don’t, leave it and find what you want to do. Then, do it. (*obviously, you have to have finances in order for this to work)
2. There’s no such thing as “free time.” All time is the same. We get 60 seconds in a minute, 60 minutes in an hour, and so on. Only you can choose what you do with it.
3. Possessions don’t make you happy. Relationships and experience are what really matter in life. You can buy things and realize that after a few hours or days, the momentary excitement is gone. You can go on a trip and realize that years later, the memory will still make you smile.
4. Living too much in the future makes today more stressful than it has to be. Find a balance between short/long-term goals and your current situation. Do what you can today to reach those goals, but don’t live in the stress of what’s unknown.
5. Back to number 4, you can’t really plan things out. Life is variable moment by moment. Be open to it.
6. You need to love and accept yourself in order to love another fully, unapologetically, and healthily. If you don’t, all the flaws and holes you have will be projected onto them. You can’t expect someone to fill you up and do that work for you.
7. Expectations breed a lot of disappointment and unnecessary arguments. Have standards, yes. But, expectations, no. No one deserves anything, except to be treated respectfully.
8. Communicate. Over-communicate if you have to. People don’t read minds, and you shouldn’t expect them to. If there’s something you want, speak up. If there’s something that bothers you, talk it out before it turns into anger.
9. Holding on to anger only hurts yourself. The other person is going to live their life whether you’re filled with fire or not. Go on and do the same. Let go.
10. Competition is important, but you should be most competitive with yourself. Be better than you were yesterday. Build other people up while you make yourself better. Don’t tear someone else down to protect your ego- that’s just going to hurt yourself and keep you from leveling up.