Late Night Rambles 

What the fuck am I so afraid of? Every person has a story, a history, a future and the power to act. Every day brings with it millions of opportunities for life to go one way or the other. It’s all about choices we make and the convuluted act of just going for it. 

We (maybe I should say I, but a collective make it easier to swallow) want to do something. Then, we spend so many days, months and years talking about it instead of acting. What is with human nature that makes us this way? We all know that life is finite, yet we procrastinate carelessly until it’s too late. Only then do some of us wake up and wish we could’ve done it all differently. 
Not me. Not anymore. 

I am going for it. I only have small inklings of what it is, but I will know when I’ve done it. I can feel that is the truth. I’m trusting intuition, finally. 

I am going to explore and do things I’ve never done and see what I come back with, or without. Mind games and tricks can put illusionary limits on capabilities. I am learning to quiet those unneeded thoughts. There’s a whole lot of brain power that I won’t allow to be left unused and potential lingering that needs to be ignited. 
T-3 days until takeoff. 

One Way Ticket

I’ve got a one-way ticket, my passport, and an open mind with the willingness to tear down the boundaries of my comfort zone. It’s like spring cleaning for my life, yet again.

There’s something about summer coming that makes me want to escape and start fresh. It’s like being in school for so many years gave my mind, body, and soul the muscle memory to get away for a few months, take a break, and then jump back into routine. But, what if there was never meant to be a routine? Society has this way of making you think you have to do what everyone else is doing and puts this notion of success at the end of a supposed, and possibly illusionary path.

And then, writing it down makes everything so real. Like the truth of your inner self is staring you back and asking you what you’re going to do next. I don’t know.

I sat in the sauna today and watched my sweat roll off of my chin and hit my hands, cascading into a puddle on the floor. I was there, but I wasn’t there. I was just watching things happen to my body and the people around me, but letting everything go in and out, like watching a screenplay unfold and accepting whatever was to come. A man slipped down from leaning against the wall and fell to the floor. Slightly embarrassed, he quickly stood back up like nothing happened. On my part, there was zero judgment. Just an understanding that the floor is wet, and yeah, shit happens, but you get back up and readjust yourself the next time you lean back on the wall. Learn from your experience.

Like the drops of water and the man, I think that’s the way life is meant to be lived. Letting things roll and fall however they may, and being accepting of the outcome, while also knowing when to wipe it all off and try again, taking with you what you know and being open to knowing that there is still a lot you don’t.

Gaining Insight

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.” – Kierkegaard

Everything we do leads to what comes next in our life, and at the time, it may seem like nothing is making sense. Sometimes, it even feels like things are completely falling apart. The thing is that sometimes things fall apart so they can come together correctly. And, when that moment strikes when you can sense the harmony, you can look back and understand how you’re where you’re meant to be. Each little kink in the chain provides equivalent value and support to hold it all together, no matter where it is positioned.

If you’re unhappy with any aspect of your life, the good news is that you have the power to change it. If it truly is out of your control, you can always control your attitude and how you approach the situation. On one hand everything can be made into a grueling challenge and, on the other, the same hardship can be a lesson to grow from- an opportunity to create a solution.

I’ve been through ups and downs in my “career” path, which is natural as I am just over the two year mark of having graduated from college. I’ve had jobs that people would probably kill for, working with companies that have comfortably resided on the Fortune 50 list for decades. But, I never felt settled. The jobs didn’t align well with what I valued or where I saw myself going in my life. I took chances, and I left them. Not because I’m an impatient millennial who ONLY wants happiness and comfort (although I wouldn’t complain), but because I know when something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. For each experience, I am so grateful to those whom I met along the way. I can see how I’ve genuinely learned something from each person and position.

Finally (the impatience of two years is shining through), I find myself in a position where I truly see potential for growth, expansion, and success. New things always provide jolts of energy, but this feels both exciting because of its newness and, more importantly, because I want to grow along this trajectory.

Although taking the jump and leaving comfortable, well-paying jobs in prominent companies with great co-workers was scary at the time, I know that I made the right decisions for myself. Ignoring outside rational voices, and even your own brain is really hard for the most part, but in the end, you ultimately know what you want. If you don’t go for it, no one will hand it to you. For if I had not followed my soul, I wouldn’t be where I am now, or where I may be a year from now, and five years from now, etc. Ultimately, one day as I’m looking back on my life (which I do every so often),  I know I will see the picture in clear view and it will all make sense. Even if it doesn’t make sense to anyone else, you know you can’t go wrong when you’re listening to yourself.