Late Night Rambles 

What the fuck am I so afraid of? Every person has a story, a history, a future and the power to act. Every day brings with it millions of opportunities for life to go one way or the other. It’s all about choices we make and the convuluted act of just going for it. 

We (maybe I should say I, but a collective make it easier to swallow) want to do something. Then, we spend so many days, months and years talking about it instead of acting. What is with human nature that makes us this way? We all know that life is finite, yet we procrastinate carelessly until it’s too late. Only then do some of us wake up and wish we could’ve done it all differently. 
Not me. Not anymore. 

I am going for it. I only have small inklings of what it is, but I will know when I’ve done it. I can feel that is the truth. I’m trusting intuition, finally. 

I am going to explore and do things I’ve never done and see what I come back with, or without. Mind games and tricks can put illusionary limits on capabilities. I am learning to quiet those unneeded thoughts. There’s a whole lot of brain power that I won’t allow to be left unused and potential lingering that needs to be ignited. 
T-3 days until takeoff. 

One Way Ticket

I’ve got a one-way ticket, my passport, and an open mind with the willingness to tear down the boundaries of my comfort zone. It’s like spring cleaning for my life, yet again.

There’s something about summer coming that makes me want to escape and start fresh. It’s like being in school for so many years gave my mind, body, and soul the muscle memory to get away for a few months, take a break, and then jump back into routine. But, what if there was never meant to be a routine? Society has this way of making you think you have to do what everyone else is doing and puts this notion of success at the end of a supposed, and possibly illusionary path.

And then, writing it down makes everything so real. Like the truth of your inner self is staring you back and asking you what you’re going to do next. I don’t know.

I sat in the sauna today and watched my sweat roll off of my chin and hit my hands, cascading into a puddle on the floor. I was there, but I wasn’t there. I was just watching things happen to my body and the people around me, but letting everything go in and out, like watching a screenplay unfold and accepting whatever was to come. A man slipped down from leaning against the wall and fell to the floor. Slightly embarrassed, he quickly stood back up like nothing happened. On my part, there was zero judgment. Just an understanding that the floor is wet, and yeah, shit happens, but you get back up and readjust yourself the next time you lean back on the wall. Learn from your experience.

Like the drops of water and the man, I think that’s the way life is meant to be lived. Letting things roll and fall however they may, and being accepting of the outcome, while also knowing when to wipe it all off and try again, taking with you what you know and being open to knowing that there is still a lot you don’t.

HUMPDAY motivation

And so what if we pushed our dreams into reality
And let them fly freely and let them just be
Ambitions and hopes abound
As we sit idly by, thinking that time will wait around
It’s a sad fact, but true
there’s no one that will push you… but you
And when you think you’ve had just enough
You take a step back and realize you haven’t even begun
So stop letting the hands of the clock
Tie yours down
Take a step with you feet
Rise up-
Don’t remain on the ground

Incipient

Do you ever just feel like something is on its way into your world? Whatever that thing or person may be, you have an inkling that continues to grow. Well, I’ve been feeling this way for a short time now. Maybe it’s nothing or maybe it’s something. What better way to start a new month (and celebrate my WordPress anniversary) than with this kind of energy?! For all of you out there, hold on to only positive thoughts (yes, let those negative ones fade away) for the unknown reality of what the future holds!

In any case, here’s a poem that I wrote, inspired by that feeling. Hope you enjoy it.

On the Edge

I’m close enough

That I no longer

Need to leap

A gentle step

Forward, as my toes

Make a mark

On the other side

Of that line, accomplishments

Await, merely a step away

Still, I stand

Balanced on the edge

Until I’m ready to replace

The lines

Of which, I’ve already crossed.

Snapchat Stories

Won’t find your “story” on Snapchat

Robotic, trying to show off fleeting moments

with disappearing digitalized depictions

“sharing” your every move, to show what you do in your waking life

small-casting to whoever taps down with their thumb

a finger dancer looking to live vicariously, or simple curiosity

killed the soul

how about we…

take time to TALK to the people

we CARE about

and share what we DO

and WHY we do it

so they KNOW

our story.

Love Games

I was scared to reach out
to say what’s on my mind
even just to say hi–
I’ve let the lines of pride
become blurred
with my thoughts on self-respect
but, where does one end and the
other begin?
we play games with unwritten rules
and unknown results
our currency is vulnerability
it’s universally un-tradeable
I’m trapped in a game
and I am not looking to win
it’s a tug of war
and I’m losing balance
Please pull the King of hearts
and I’ll show my hand, so
we can split the chips

From Negative to Positive

When we think of negative thoughts, there’s generally an onslaught of them at once. It’s as if you have one and it multiplies exponentially within seconds, calling on all of its negative thought friends to come out and join in a dooming party. So, why doesn’t the same phenomenon occur with positive thoughts?

I (positively) think the answer is practice. As we grow up and start letting negative thoughts enter our mind, we tend to focus on them. They begin to come naturally. Positive thoughts, on the other hand, have to be proactively thought about. Even though positive thoughts were so ubiquitous when we were young, we slowly lose the ability to focus on all the good things as we grow old.

For myself, I will try to make the positive thoughts a habit, so when I do think of something happy, I’m filled with a domino effect of like-minded thoughts. This will evict negative thoughts from my mind. Maybe two negatives will make a positive, in places outside of math class.